One of the great struggles I’m having in reclaiming my life as a runner is being kind to myself.
There’s a voice in my head that says terrible things. Things that I would never say to anyone else. Things like “you’re so out of shape” or “you are so slow” or “you are so fat”. And even worse things like “you’ll never get back into shape”. Those days of going out and running 15 miles for fun are over. And they’re never coming back.
It pains me to write those words. I am not giving myself space for empathy. And I don’t know why.
I wonder if my injured clients go through the same things. Are they hard on themselves because the house isn’t as clean as it used to be? Or suddenly their mind doesn’t work the way it used to be? Or suddenly because they are mobility impaired they have gained weight? Or maybe they can’t attend their kids school event? Are they being kind to themselves? It is something I have to start asking in my interviews with clients.
One of the things that I’m doing is imagining in shape me training out of shape me. In shape me would be a cheerleader. In shape me would know that keeping at it will quickly unlock gains. In shape me would say won step at a time. And pat out of shape me on the back.
I wonder why this is so hard. I don’t have an answer. The only thing I know is it helps to write this. It helps sharing this.
I’m going for a run. I’m going to cheer for myself. My goal isn’t time, distance, or duration, My goal is self empathy.
I hope whatever you are struggling with you create a space to be kind to yourself.
You can read post 1 in the series here.
You can read post 2 in the series here.