by Ryan C. McKeen
Counseling clients in a divorce is a little like being an airline pilot.
Clients are a lot like airline passengers and the process of divorce is a lot like a flying on a commercial aircraft. For starters, passengers know their final destination……getting a divorce.
I often think divorce cases follow the arc of a flight. It’s always bumpy on take off. Always.
On take off, a plane goes from 0 mph in a state of rest on the ground to 500 mph and 35,000 feet in the air in a little under 15 minutes. A person’s marriage is right before filing for divorce is a lot like that sitting plane because once it starts moving lots of things in a person’s life become up in the air.
In the early part of a divorce, I commonly see clients stress over often sudden and rapid changes that start happening in their lives. There’s always friction with the spouse as new rules get put into place.
Once the parties reach cruising altitude things are relatively calm for a period of a few months. Sometimes, there are a few bumps along the way but for the most part tray tables are down and you are free to move about the cabin.
Then comes landing. I almost always see bumps at the very end of a divorce. I think there are a number of reasons for it: dislike, anger, and trouble letting go being the most frequent cause of bumpy landings. But there’s usually one last marital spat prior to the court ordering a divorce.
There’s a post for another day about flights that experience constant turbulence but those are the exception.
From my point of view, as a passenger, I appreciate when the pilot informs the cabin that the flight may experience some turbulence. I think the same holds true for the relationship between an attorney handling a divorce and a client – it’s best to let a client know in advance where and when turbulence can be expected.